Question 1

What is a sponsor?

Accepted Answer

Sponsorship is one recovering person talking to another recovering person. Through sharing, both individuals enrich their lives. The sponsor and the sponsee meet as equals, attend meetings regularly together, discuss recovery issues, work the Steps, and work the program. For the newcomer, a sponsor is a special person with whom they can discuss problems, ask questions, and through whom they can gain an understanding of recovery through the Twelve Step program.

Question 2

Is a sponsor required?

Accepted Answer

No. Sponsorship is an important, valuable aid in recovery, but it is not required. Is it important to have a sponsor? Yes. A relationship with a sponsor is an important tool in recovery. It is often the beginning of the development of an ability to trust others and communicate effectively. Having frequent, close contact with another member of the program provides an opportunity to deal with issues in private that one might not be willing to raise in front of the group.

Question 3

How does one get a sponsor?

Accepted Answer

The usual way is to ask a person to sponsor you who has some of the personal and recovery attributes that you admire. It helps if the potential sponsor has been clean and sober long enough to have worked the Steps of recovery. In order to select a sponsor, it is best to attend as many meetings as possible to widen your exposure to recovering persons. There are no specific rules for choosing a sponsor, but an individual who is living life successfully and happily might be worth considering.

Question 4

How can I overcome shyness, procrastination, or the fear of imposing myself on another in selecting a sponsor?

Accepted Answer

Getting a sponsor is not like getting married; there is no long-term commitment. One can ask a person to be an interim sponsor, that is a temporary sponsor, and see how the relationship develops. It is important to get beyond our fears of asking other people for help. It is indeed an honor for a person to be asked to be a sponsor. We are not burdening others with our problems, and fears of doing so should not be used as an excuse to avoid making a commitment.

Question 5

Should a sponsor be of the same sex or gender?

Accepted Answer

The gender of a sponsor you select to guide you through the 12 Steps is at your discretion. We suggest avoiding sponsorship relationships that may lead to problematic attachments, including romantic and/or sexual relationships, which could detract from the primary purpose of recovery.

Question 6

What if I want to change sponsor?

Accepted Answer

Then do so. If you feel a different person can better enhance your recovery, then it is good form to gently let your current sponsor know that you want to utilize the particular experience of another person and that you will be changing sponsors. This is frequently done in Twelve Step programs and many “long timers” have had several different sponsors.

Question 7

How often should I contact my sponsor?

Accepted Answer

This is up to you and your sponsor. Many sponsors ask newcomers to call them daily for the first month or two. If your sponsor is away or can’t be reached it is wise to call other members of the program. It is a good idea to call several people regularly in any case.

Question 8

Must I do anything a sponsor asks, or agree with whatever a sponsor says?

Accepted Answer

No. If clarification is needed or disagreements emerge, then they should be discussed openly between the parties involved. Your recovery is your responsibility. You would be wise to heed your sponsor or get another sponsor with whom you can work. There is no rank in the program and the relationship between you and your sponsor is one of trust and shared experiences.

About Sponsorship